Friday, June 28, 2019
As some of you may know, we adopted a precious void sprite after Loki passed. There was this horrible, wrenching hole where Loki was supposed to be. In our house. In me. Bast was absolutely devastated, constantly looking for Loki. Hermes has nightmares now.
I knew, without a doubt, we had to bring someone home. There was an urgency riding in my bones I couldn't explain if I wanted to. I spotted this little black fluff on the shelter website and thought, she's darling, I'll go meet her along with the a couple others and we'll see.
Well, she latched onto me immediately. Laying in my arms, kneading in my elbow for over an hour while we filled out the papers to bring her home. There was no question. I think, maybe, Loki was that guiding force to help us find Morrigan.
There is no doubting his presence still in the house. His spot is still his spot. The other cats leave it be. And Morrigan has taken up where he left off. Shadowing me, staying with me when I'm sad. She chirps at me when she thinks I should be in bed, just like he did.
And truly, most importantly, she and Bast have become like litter mates.
Our little family was broken, and now it's starting to come back together again. It still hurts, I think it's always going to hurt. I think seeing Loki's name on a little box instead of seeing him will always hurt.
But I'm not ready to let him go. I know we'll bring him with us wherever we go, because I can't leave him.
I can't let him be alone. I won't let him be forgotten.
I lost my first pet, Shadow, a little black darling, when she was only about two. I lost a dog a few years later. I blocked myself off from trying to connect because I was so afraid I'd lose them.
I risked a lot bringing Loki home six years ago. My heart had been broken and put back together so many times.
Morrigan is here now though, to help keep me from sliding back into that shell. Bast is here. Even Hermes deigns to show affection now and again. No one can every replace my murder kitten, but I'm not going to let myself not feel for the fluffy babies that are still here.